Introvert - So, I Married an Extravert

  Ooh, this is always a great question and topic to dive in to!  Being an Introvert is still ‘new’ in my life - I’ve only been aware of it for about 12 years. Previous to that, I genuinely thought there was something wrong with me that I needed to try to fix, to ‘fit in’ with everyone around me. I’m sure there were lots of people around me who knew I was introverted, more than I did! And probably didn’t mention it because they assumed I already knew… Let me tell you, trying to fit in with some of the people I was spending time with felt so hard - but I didn’t understand why. They were all able to party hard and often, and recover quickly, and I was this permanently exhausted and confused hanger-on - often trying to tag on to groups of people who were not necessarily ‘my people’.  I was a singer back in my younger years, and as an introvert, this was an even harder industry to work in, feeling the way I did. My inability to ‘fit in’ and be like some of the other outgoing m...

The day I learned I was an introvert, it was like the clouds opened up and a shining glow poured through and over me, lighting up everything around me in a warm glow, and everything finally made sense in my life.  And I lived happily ever after... Umm nope. Not even close.  It was about 12 years ago now, and sometimes I feel like I'm even more confused today than I was back then. I even wonder if I'd have been better off never knowing this about myself, living in a permanent state of exhaustion, and thinking I was just a bit lazy...  Realistically, knowing is better than not knowing in this case - in my opinion. There have been so many huge eye-opening discoveries along the way, and I am so much better at being able to understand my moods and my energy now. And I don't try to keep up with people who are quite clearly NOT introverts. Including the one I married 21 years ago.  To be honest, I often think it's been harder on him than it has me. He sees no reason to chan...

I told my extravert husband he is not allowed to retire until he has a plan, and hobbies. I truly love my husband, but the thought of us retiring together with him having no plan in place for what he will do with his time - that's a horror movie script right there for me!  When we get towards the end of a normal week, I am checking my calendar to make sure we haven't forgotten some big event that is going to eat up all my energy stores. But my husband is often hoping for the complete opposite!  In fairness, since we first met, he has softened and is not as extremely extraverted as he was when I met him, when he was in his late 20's. Then, there was a level of relief for me that we lived quite far from each other. I'd spend a long weekend with him, and we would fill every single minute with activities. Then, I'd return home (or he would, depending on whose city we were tearing up that particular weekend!), having thoroughly enjoyed myself, but almost ready to collaps...

  Whilst I mostly laugh and joke about the difficulties of spending my life with an Extravert, there's no-one else I would choose to live with, for the rest of my life.  He is an incredibly caring human being, and there are many things about my Extravert that make my life much better than it would be if I was on my own, or even with another Introvert.  It's very important to remember these, and write them down, so I can read them at times when I am feeling overwhelmed by his noise and presence!     It wasn't until we had been together for a few years that I really started to appreciate these things.  And you also have to bear in mind that we were together for 14 years before I even knew that we were energy opposites! I unbelievably didn't discover I was an Introvert until I was 41 years old. Not sure how I survived in the world being as introverted as I now accept that I am - although I am fully aware that alcohol played a huge part there, which thankf...

Sometimes sitting in silence is a really lovely thing.  Finally getting my Extravert husband to enjoy sitting in a room with me, with no TV on, just reading our books, was the day I knew it was a forever relationship. 🥰📚 But sometimes silence is not a thing of beauty. When it is an uncomfortable silence, and one or both of you are sitting second-guessing what the other is thinking, things can get out of hand quickly. Being able to really understand the different ways you each think, and the opposite feelings you might have about doing certain activities, is so important, so that you can both find simple moments when maybe a compromise would not feel so hard. Understanding both my personality type, and my husbands as well, has made life so much easier for us all (including our children!). Sometimes I have had an overwhelming week at work or with kids, and I just can't do anything at the weekend except read, sleep-in, and generally recharge. If I've had a week like this, I can ...

  When will the bubble burst? Do I want it to burst? Is the bubble good, or bad? I have felt in a state of turmoil almost consistently for the past 15 months. I run my own consultancy business, and from January 2015 up until September of 2020, I also ran a small coworking space in my community. A strange choice for an introvert you might think, but I love to help people achieve their potential, and creating a space for like-minded people to run their small businesses from, seemed like the perfect way to meet the people I wanted to work with. (I also previously ran networking events - but let's not go down the rabbit-hole of psychoanalysing that at the moment..🤭) During the last 15 months, I had to decide whether to continue the business I had passionately fought to build ( "it won't work, you're mad, you're wasting your time, why don't you just get a real job". .), and when I decided not to (running a coworking space during lockdowns turned out to not be...

So I've started writing this on 31st December 2018. I might finish it by the end of January knowing my life, but I knew I needed to get some of this out before the end of this year.* Exactly one year ago, I attended a fantastic New Year (Hogmanay) party.  It was here, where I live, in Australia, but it was an entirely Scottish contingent, due to friends and family of friends all being here at the time, and it was a really great night. I don't often enjoy New Year. It's the classic over-rated event of the year for me, as it always seems like a great idea to go somewhere there will be hundreds of people, and then about a week out, I'm praying for storms and hailstones and lightning, so I can choose to stay home instead - why do we do this to ourselves, my fellow Energator? (aside - I am not actually a fan of the word Introvert - I am currently testing out alternatives to see which one I think describes us better... We 'grow' energy, to either use ourselves,...