Introvert - So, I Married an Extravert

  Ooh, this is always a great question and topic to dive in to!  Being an Introvert is still ‘new’ in my life - I’ve only been aware of it for about 12 years. Previous to that, I genuinely thought there was something wrong with me that I needed to try to fix, to ‘fit in’ with everyone around me. I’m sure there were lots of people around me who knew I was introverted, more than I did! And probably didn’t mention it because they assumed I already knew… Let me tell you, trying to fit in with some of the people I was spending time with felt so hard - but I didn’t understand why. They were all able to party hard and often, and recover quickly, and I was this permanently exhausted and confused hanger-on - often trying to tag on to groups of people who were not necessarily ‘my people’.  I was a singer back in my younger years, and as an introvert, this was an even harder industry to work in, feeling the way I did. My inability to ‘fit in’ and be like some of the other outgoing m...

The day I learned I was an introvert, it was like the clouds opened up and a shining glow poured through and over me, lighting up everything around me in a warm glow, and everything finally made sense in my life.  And I lived happily ever after... Umm nope. Not even close.  It was about 12 years ago now, and sometimes I feel like I'm even more confused today than I was back then. I even wonder if I'd have been better off never knowing this about myself, living in a permanent state of exhaustion, and thinking I was just a bit lazy...  Realistically, knowing is better than not knowing in this case - in my opinion. There have been so many huge eye-opening discoveries along the way, and I am so much better at being able to understand my moods and my energy now. And I don't try to keep up with people who are quite clearly NOT introverts. Including the one I married 21 years ago.  To be honest, I often think it's been harder on him than it has me. He sees no reason to chan...

Sometimes sitting in silence is a really lovely thing.  Finally getting my Extravert husband to enjoy sitting in a room with me, with no TV on, just reading our books, was the day I knew it was a forever relationship. 🥰📚 But sometimes silence is not a thing of beauty. When it is an uncomfortable silence, and one or both of you are sitting second-guessing what the other is thinking, things can get out of hand quickly. Being able to really understand the different ways you each think, and the opposite feelings you might have about doing certain activities, is so important, so that you can both find simple moments when maybe a compromise would not feel so hard. Understanding both my personality type, and my husbands as well, has made life so much easier for us all (including our children!). Sometimes I have had an overwhelming week at work or with kids, and I just can't do anything at the weekend except read, sleep-in, and generally recharge. If I've had a week like this, I can ...

So why did it take 40 years to figure it out? I consider myself to be pretty intelligent, extremely observant, and a fairly good judge of character - how did I miss this about myself? With hindsight, I can look back and see all the obvious things that make sense now, but I haven't yet figured out whether it would have been a good or a bad thing to know when I was younger - I am mostly glad I think, that I pushed myself waaaaay out of my comfort zone, 'cos it just seemed like a thing that had to be done to keep up with everyone else. If I'd had all the knowledge then that I have now, I think I would have become a(n even more) melancholy musician who couldn't 'conform' in any way. I'm still not a sheep, but I live in conformity and harmony to a degree that works for me, and keeps me sane.. (and allows me to spend my life with an Extravert!) Reality is, until I came across Susan Cain's book 'Quiet' , I'd genuinely never considered even vag...