How Introverted am I?

 

Ooh, this is always a great question and topic to dive in to! 

Being an Introvert is still ‘new’ in my life - I’ve only been aware of it for about 12 years. Previous to that, I genuinely thought there was something wrong with me that I needed to try to fix, to ‘fit in’ with everyone around me. I’m sure there were lots of people around me who knew I was introverted, more than I did! And probably didn’t mention it because they assumed I already knew…

Let me tell you, trying to fit in with some of the people I was spending time with felt so hard - but I didn’t understand why. They were all able to party hard and often, and recover quickly, and I was this permanently exhausted and confused hanger-on - often trying to tag on to groups of people who were not necessarily ‘my people’. 

I was a singer back in my younger years, and as an introvert, this was an even harder industry to work in, feeling the way I did. My inability to ‘fit in’ and be like some of the other outgoing musicians around me made me feel like an imposter in my music course. I became more and more convinced I had no musical talent, and that all my success and praise up until then had just been people being nice to me. Feeling this way took its toll on me, and in all honestly, I began to overindulge in alcohol, as I found it helped me care less what other people thought, gave me confidence (not that it actually did - it just blurred the uncomfortable feeling I got around the noise and chaos of socialising and parties! Big misunderstanding.. 🤦🏻‍♀️), and then my exhaustion could be excused as a hangover. It often was (both a hangover and exhaustion), but I could never understand why mine were so bad. 

Alcohol hangover + Introvert hangover = Burnout for days!!

I've found, as I get older, that my understanding and acceptance of my introversion is improving. On days when I need to go out and 'people', I remind myself that being an introvert isn't the only thing I am, and that it doesn't define me as a person. I remind myself that I enjoy having great conversations, beyond small talk, and that it's worth peopling for the potential of a great conversation. And, as I've learned more about how to manage my energy around my introversion, I have also picked up this great secret trick I'll let you in on - it's called saying 'No, but thank you for the invite!' when you are too tired to go out. The FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) is real, but the outcome I know is likely to come from me going along when really I'm already tired, is just not worth it, so I've taught myself to take a deep breath before I agree to go to an event, party, BBQ - and ask myself "Do you have enough battery power to go, or are you going to be left with nothing in the tank if you say Yes?"

I also stopped drinking alcohol, which is another story that I've talked about previously, and that was also a game-changer, as I realised how often I was going to events when I didn't really want to, and the only way I could 'persuade' myself, was by having a few drinks.. Which for me, I finally realised, was not the right way to handle it. For me, it was walking away from alcohol and taking better care of myself - listening to my body and my brain, which were both screaming at me to slow down and 'read the room' - often I was literally and figuratively in the wrong room, speaking with the wrong people (small talk central), and even doing the wrong kind of work.
All doing damage to my system (hello fibromyalgia 😔), so something had to change. 

So, in conclusion, I am more introverted than I thought I was, and I am allowing myself to be as introverted as I need to be on any given day, depending on what has been going on for me, and what is coming up soon. It does not define me, but it does factor heavily in my decision making.

I'd love to hear how others manage life and introversion. Feel free to comment. 

Til next time.