It’s me, and I’m all in.
I’m trying to keep a promise to myself.
It shouldn’t be difficult, but it is.
It’s just to be myself.
How hard can it be?!!
But literally decades of
-‘Fake it ‘til you make it!!’,
- trying to be an extrovert,
- pushing myself to the point of exhaustion,
- keeping up with my extrovert husbands socialising (historically by plying myself substantially with alcohol)
has left me overwhelmed and almost devoid of energy most days.
So recently, when I made the nerve-wracking decision to do more writing and to (eek! 😳) share it more openly and honestly, as myself - I was surprised, after the initial flurry of gut-wrenching nerves about real people - who I might actually know! - reading my blog, that the feeling morphed into something else.
I realised I felt a huge sense of freedom.
Freedom from hiding behind the persona I’d spent over 40 years creating.
Freedom to speak out about things I’m passionate about - I’m not one for confrontation, but I do like having big conversations about important subjects - it’s one of my favourite things to do!
Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean I’m suddenly going to start writing huge diatribes about everything I’m angry or passionate about. It just means I’m feeling more comfortable about my writing, more ready to allow myself a freedom of speech that I’ve held back for as long as I can remember. It’s very empowering, and also a little bit scary in itself. I have to ensure that the sense of freedom doesn’t run off wild and start creating a world of drama that isn’t necessary, or true to me.
Because my personality hasn’t changed overnight - I still like a fairly quiet life, and I’m still an introvert (if you had any idea how many times I’ve retaken the Myers Briggs personality test, just to see if my confidence had turned me into an Extrovert… I don’t want to not be an Introvert, but I keep thinking maybe I have learned their ways - but nope, not once, not on my most outspoken, upbeat, sociable day, have I ever come close 🤣🤣). So my writing, whilst it will hopefully become more frequent and fluid, will remain ever true to my personality - which I hope is strong and considered.
I hope this resonates with even one person, and helps you retain your true colours, and do your bit to save just one more of us from the exhaustion of pretending to be someone they’re not.